Alone
by BriRenee
Summary: What if Bella only THOUGHT Edward had left. What if he stayed in Forks the entire time? Slightly off-character. First story. REVIEWS ARE MIGHTY LOVELY!
1. Better Days

A/N: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters…they belong solely to Stephanie.

I cringed as I heard the words escape from her mouth. I never meant for it to end up this way. I loved her, why couldn't she see that? Why couldn't she see that I loved her too much to let her end up with someone like me? Surely she could see the pain that this was causing me. But of course she couldn't, because she couldn't see pass the stone façade I had worked so hard to establish. Sure she could see my eyes, my warm butterscotch eyes, but today they would give nothing away. But she could hear me; well at least I hoped she could hear me. Because right now all I could hear was her sobbing, and all I could see was her shaking; and I wondered if anything I was saying even mattered. I could hear her sobbing and trying to form words, but all that came out were guttural vowels and whispered consonants. I never meant to hurt her this way. I never meant to hurt her. I told her from the very beginning.

"You really shouldn't like me." I said with a crooked smile plastered all over my face. I played up the bad boy act by throwing my cigarette on the ground and snubbing it out with the toe of my boot. Rubbing my semi-greasy copper colored hair I looked over at her. That defiant look that always screamed _Like hell you're going to tell me what I should do!_ was creeping its way onto her face. It always started at her eyes, one minute they were smiling at you all clear and brown, the next they were challenging you and growing darker by the minute. By the time the rest of her body caught up with her eyes you wouldn't even know that those blackened orbs had ever been the lightest of chocolate browns. It was the cutest when her little hands would form into fists, as if she actually thought that she would punch you. Adorable, really.  
"Oh yeah, and why's that?" She asked me; of course she thought she knew the answer. I wish I could have told her then what I really was, what she was really getting herself into. I wished I could have just said, "Because, because you're going to fall in love with me, and I'm the worst possible thing for you. I'm going to hurt you, and then your father is going to hate me. And your friends will hate me, but all of them will shut up when you tell them that I'm the best thing that ever happened to you. And they'll all sit there shaking their heads whispering amongst themselves 'You could do so much better.' But you'll ignore them and return me to that fragile place in your heart where I will always hold a spot. And I'll make sweet promises to you, promises about magnificent trips, and a life of eternal happiness. And when you finally think it's all going to be okay, I'll slowly start to pull away. And you'll fight even though your body screams to just let go, but since when have you ever listened to your body, or anyone else for that matter?" I wish I had said that to you on that first day. But not even I could predict what was going to happen, there was one who could, but I ignored her. I could never predict all the people that would step in and out of my life. Yet greatest of all, I never could have predicted that I would fall in love with you along the way.  
So instead I just said, "Alright, make your own mistakes, but don't you ever say I never told you so."

I could do nothing but just stand here watching tears cascade from her eyes. I'm sure that if I could see them I would see that they were a shade of brown that no one ever wanted to see. It was the color of a girl crushed beyond belief, metaphorically speaking of course. And her shoulders, her shoulders are shaking. And not even I can hold her still when the sobs start to overtake her. Her hair, so light and soft shimmers as it is vibrated ever so slightly. And her hands, oh those lovely hands. They're curled into hooks, not knowing whether it is time to fight, or wipe away the tears. They're curled half way between wide open palms and tightly closed fists. She's pulled her knees to her chest and it won't be long before she will be lying down, absolutely fetal. I wished I could comfort her in some way, but I was the cause of all this pain. I wish I could be gently stroking her hair, her cheeks, her arms, anything. But I couldn't. I had screwed up too many times. But maybe now I could make things right. Maybe I could leave, and make her life a little less dangerous. Maybe now she could have a chance at a normal life. Maybe now she could have a future that didn't end in either her death, or her immortal life. Maybe it could be as if she'd never met me. And greatest of all, maybe I could give her a chance to truly be happy. If she stayed with me, there would always be someone who didn't think I deserved her. And she would fight them with every ounce of her being to defend me. And it would kill her, slowly, because she would fight her friends, and her family, and every other person we knew. Because they could all see what I could see, that I was nowhere near good enough for her. But she couldn't see that. All she could see was what she had disillusioned herself to see. That I made her happy and that was good enough for her, but that lie was not good enough for me. Besides, it wasn't enough for me to just make her happy, she needed someone who could make her happy, and who could protect her from pain. That's the one that I had screwed up on so many times, because I was the cause of her pain. My life, who I was, that was the cause of her pain. She deserved to be with a man that didn't have a horrible past, someone that could look at her and keep his promise to protect. I couldn't do that.  
"I'm not good enough for you." I mumbled, I knew it was futile to attempt this reasoning on her, but she needed to hear me say it.  
"No, you're wrong." She cried through her sobs. "You're wrong. You don't know how good you are. My life was dull, bland, colorless until you showed up. Now I see colors that I didn't even know existed. You did that for me! Who else do you think could possibly do that for me? No one, that's who!"  
There was someone, I know there had to be, because if there wasn't, then I would be an asshole for the rest of my life.  
"There is someone, he's out there I know--"  
"Shut up Edward! You couldn't possibly know that. I watched you fight against me, I watched you fight for me, I watched you fight your kind, I watched you fight your family...and now, what? When did happiness become not enough?"  
"When the pain I caused you outweighed the happiness. When the hurt outweighed the sorrow."  
"You do not cause me sorrow." She was pacing now. Pacing was what she did when she was trying to argue her point. When her body had to move as fast as her brain. "Edward, I love you. When did that not become enough?"  
How could I dispute her on that, when did love not become enough?  
"Did you hear me Edward?!? I said I love you! Say something!" She's trying to get me to cave now, she knows that I can't say no to her tears and her questioning my love for her. But I have to be strong, I have to fight her to save her. I have to fight her to make her happy.  
"You know I love you. You know I would give anything for you. All I want is for you to be happy, and I can no longer do that. And I will no longer stand by and watch me hurt you again. I refuse...I refuse to..." I couldn't speak past the lump that had formed in my throat. "I refuse to hurt you anymore. I can't even tell you how much I love you without hurting you. Can't you see that all I want is for you to be happy? Can't you see that I love you too much to see you end up with someone like me?"  
"There is nothing wrong with who you are! This is bullshit Edward and you know it!"  
"But there is, because no matter how hard I try, I'm always going to be what I am and I am always going to disappoint you. I'm always going to hurt you. I'm always going to let you down. I don't want to do that anymore! I don't want to hurt me! And I sure as hell don't want to hurt you! Please understand, I'm doing this because I want it to be the last time I hurt you."  
"You don't hurt me." Her fight is going out now, now all that is left is desperation. She is going to cling to anything that she thinks might get me to stay. But I can't stay; it's for her own good. And in time she'll see that, not today, not tomorrow, but she will see that.  
"I love you. I will always love you, but I love you too much to watch you throw away your life to be with someone like me. You may not see it that way, but someday you will. But please, just always know that I love you."  
I stayed next to her enough for her to whisper out an '_I love you too_' before I ran. She won't be alone for long, I left a note, Charlie would know where to find her. And even if he didn't, he would call in reinforcements. That much I had made sure of. And when he finds her she will slowly be surrounded by the one person that loves her more than his own life. But I, I will be alone, in a dark place, holding myself as the tears tried and failed to pour from my eyes. But I will thank God, or whoever, that she is not alone as she goes through this.

A/N: I'm not sure if any of you guys like this, I'm sure if you do I could try my hand at creating more of a story around this. If not, that's cool, at least I gave it a try right?

P.S. Reviews are mighty lovely!~


	2. Missing

A/N: I do not own Twilight, or any of the characters. They belong to S.M.

I didn't make it far, I hadn't really planned to. I planned to get just far enough away for her to believe me, then I would turn around and watch out for her. Yes I was leaving her; yes it would be like I never existed, to her. All she was to know was that I was gone.

I watched through the trees as she picked herself up off the ground. I watched as she stumbled, like only she could, through the thicket and underbrush. I watched her look up to the rain, and I wondered what she could possibly be thinking of at that moment. Why was her mind so silent to me? She turned off the path at that point, climbing over fallen limbs and dense bushes. She continued to wander, not really realizing that she was wandering in circles. She couldn't notice, she couldn't smell her sweet fragrance on the branch she had just passed ten minutes ago. I could. Her circles kept on widening, and slowly she was in a part of the forest that only smelled of my family, and him. From here, I could no longer see the house. I could guess that she had no clue where she was, she wouldn't know how to get home. I would know, but I was "gone". Charlie would find her, he would find her.

She stopped now, stopped all movement. Had she heard me? Had I trod too hard on a twig? Had I actually said any of that out loud? I wouldn't even breath, nothing to give me away. I couldn't move from my spot, not even my speed would save me. Well it would, but she might hear, might notice the rustle of leaves and think something of it. I couldn't give myself away, I had to wait until she was distracted.

It occurred sooner than I thought it would. She was distracted by her own cries. I could hear them, well of course I could hear them, but they sounded so much worse to me. I could understand all that those cries meant. With each cry I could feel some force slowly devouring what, if any, was left of my soul. I wanted to run, but I wanted to stay. I wanted to leave, but I wanted to comfort her. I decided that I would stay. Stay until Charlie came for her.

I could hear his thoughts getting closer. Wondering what was for dinner. Wondering if I would be at their house. Wondering if I was going to watch the game with him again. Sorry Charlie, no such luck. He was turning off the car now, noting how the house looked quieter than normal. 'Maybe they're not here. I guess I'm on my own for dinner.' He walked up to the door and was surprised to find it unlocked. "Bella?" he called out. No one answered, 'she never leaves the door unlocked,' he thought to himself. He wandered up to her room; she wasn't there, so he wandered down to the kitchen. He saw the note then. He turned around and walked back outside, calling her name as he got closer to the edge of the forest. I saw him stop where I had told her I was leaving. He continued along the path then. He continued along the path for half an hour, calling out her name the entire time. That's when I started to worry, think outside the box Charlie. 'She wouldn't wander off the path, Bella's much too smart for that, right?' Charlie thought to himself. Yes, she is much too smart for that, but she's not acting like herself, THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX CHARLIE. I was half-tempted to run past him and whisper this, but then he had an idea. He ran back to his car and got on his walkie. He called into the station, told them the situation and then ran back into the house. He ran to the phone hanging on the wall and called Billy. He told him what was going on and promised to send some of the boys down to help search.

They all showed up at roughly the same time. Each man had a flashlight and an assigned part of the forest. I could hear their thoughts. Some thought that this was hopeless, Bella had probably just went somewhere else, forgot about the note and left. Others thought that maybe if they helped find the chief's daughter they might get a promotion. But there was one mind I listened to intently. He was using all of his senses, senses I didn't even know he had. 'I can smell her, she was here. She wasn't alone, but the smell is foul. Who was she with? Who cares. She wandered off the path here. She walked in circles, and the person she was with stayed close by. Man, they smell awful! She wandered, wandered, what was she thinking leaving the path? Doesn't she know that this forest goes on for miles? Is she really that dense? Wait a second, the scent is getting stronger. What is that sound? Are there large wild animals in this forest? Did someone shoot one?' "Bella?!?" the man called out. He was getting closer, I just had to hope that he wouldn't see me. He had already smelt me, which I had to admit was odd, but he couldn't see me. Even he, whoever he was, couldn't know I was here. "Bella!" He was almost to her, maybe now I should go.

I turned on my heels about to go and stepped on a twig. 'What was that?' the man thought. He couldn't have heard me. 'Maybe there is a large wild animal, I better hurry. Can't let anyone see me though.' I could hear now the rustle of clothing, it sounded like it was moving faster than normal. But that wasn't possible. I would have to stay here though until they were gone. I decided the best way to not be seen, and yet still not be heard, was to crouch. So I crouched down and hid behind an abnormally overgrown fern. I stopped listening and then watched as a man, no kid? As a man child walked within view. His skin wasn't the typical forks pale, it was, the tan of a Quileute. This must be one of the kids, men, that Billy sent down. He slowly approached Bella and knelt down. "Bella, have you been hurt?" I heard her crying falter at this, of course she's been hurt! I'm sure she probably just wanders amongst the forest crying all the time for no reason. I exhaled at this thought and watched as the man-child's brown eyes darted in my direction. He couldn't have heard me. But still, he stared down the fern I hid behind as if he knew I was there. But his thoughts revealed he didn't. 'The animal must be near; I should get her out of here.' But before he could move her crying stopped for a second, and she whispered "Isn't something missing?" I could hear her sigh as she passed from consciousness.

I watched as he scooped her in both arms and lifted her like a toy doll. He didn't hold her close to his body, which struck me as odd. But nothing about this strange man-child made much sense. I stayed where I was in case I spook him again. They made their way out of sight, so I relied on his thoughts to tell me when I could leave. 'She's trembling, if she doesn't stop this I will drop her. She smells weird too, not like the other scent I could smell in the forest, but like parts of that odor are clinging to her. Who could possibly smell so bad? Had she come across a bum? A bum? A bum in forks, get real. I can see the house now. I should probably tell Charlie about the wild animal in the forest, don't want Bella getting lost and then eaten.' At this I knew it was time for me to go. I ran full out this time, running and not stopping until I got where I wanted to be.

Our house looked so empty now. I told the rest of them they had to leave, that we had to leave. I lied to all of them as well, for all they would know, I was wandering the earth. Alice would know, but she would keep my secret, because she would know that that is what I wanted. I walked up the front porch and turned the knob. The house smelt so different. There wasn't the fresh scent of so many unique fragrances. No, they were stale. I made my way up the steps, just making sure I was alone. However, if there had been anyone in here, their thoughts would have given them away. I passed the doors of my brothers, my sisters, my parents, no one was here. I was all alone. Just as I deserved to be. I walked into my room and frowned at the sight, surely I would need to get rid of all my stuff. What if someone came by, wondering if we were really gone? I needed to move my stuff. Maybe the attic would be a good place to hide; no one knew how to get in there anyway. Wasn't that just perfect, you know poetic justice. I would now become the bat in the attic. I would destroy much of my things though. My cds, they would need to go. The disc player, the art. It should all be destroyed. Probably the couch as well. I could keep a few books, not that I would actually read any of them, but I could keep them. Maybe I really need nothing, maybe I don't even need this house. But I do, because my one friend is still here. He sits downstairs on a platform, marking his importance in our family. He is the keeper of many keys, and each key is unique. He allows me to play his keys, and I allow him to have all of me. Every fear, every hope, every love, I pour them out on him. And he returns the favor by soothing my nerves with his elaborate compositions.

Slowly I made my way downstairs to sit beside my friend. To let my fingers dance sorrowfully across the black and white keys. To let my heart pour out on the giant black box, and have it returned to me in musical form. I played for so long, but of course I did not tire. I played until sad, twisted melodies turned into the most familiar sound. I would recognize that sound anywhere, mainly because I had created it. I played until minor keys turned major, and marches turned to waltzes. I played until a song that could stir the hardest of hearts to tears, morphed into something a little bit sweeter. But today it would be tainted, tainted by all the pain of everyone involved. Today it would not be sweet enough to lull any to sleep. Today it would be the sound that haunted nightmares, lulling the dreamer into a false sense of hope. Then, at the end, it would twist into something so hard, cold, and depressing that the melody itself begged to end. By that time I would be ready. Ready to move on. Ready to do something, anything. Ready.

A/N: I couldn't help writing more. It overtook me.

Please review, tell me if anyone is actually out there reading this!


	3. Somewhere

A/N: I do not own Twilight nor the characters. SM is the queen of the Twilight realm.

I knew I was ready to move, I wasn't ready for where my feet were going to take me. I left my only friend and started running. I thought maybe instinct had kicked in, maybe I was hungry. I thought about that for a moment and realized that I wasn't at all hungry, which was odd because it had been a while since I had last feasted. But my feet had something else in mind. They carried me away from my house, and into the city. They carried me across town to a familiar street, and I had to force them to stop. I couldn't be seen here, not by anyone. By now everyone had heard of our family's relocation. The story in the hospital was that Carlisle had taken a job in LA, they were paying him big money. The story was completely laughable, the thought of all our pale faces in LA. Doctors, nurses, everyone laughed, and sighed at that. Laughed at the site of the Cullens in the eternal sunshine of Southern California, and sighed because finally that inexplicable fear was gone. They could go on with their lives without worrying for any apparent reason. They didn't understand, their bodies did. Their bodies responded naturally to having a predator so close by. They never understood it, but their bodies did. They could all breath. But the reaction of the doctors, nurses, and students was nothing compared to that of the Quileute. They held bonfires the night we left. At least, the night they found out we had left. It will be a grave day when they realize that not only had we left before they thought, but that not all of us were actually gone. I wonder if I could go out there now that they thought we were gone. I probably shouldn't try it though, Carlisle would not be proud.

I started as I heard Charlie's all too familiar thoughts, 'The doctor says she's catatonic. I don't believe it, she just needs time. Time to find her way back to us. I knew something like this would happen, they were far too serious for a teenage couple. But at least now he's gone, I'm not going to go throw a party or anything, but it is somewhat of a relief. Those kids with their bonfires were just irresponsible. Billy should have stopped them. Someone should have stopped them, someone could have gotten hurt.' Wouldn't that have been nice, a little damper for their party. 'I think she's going to come downstairs, I heard her moving. Maybe today she'll actually look at me. Maybe she'll tell me what happened. Maybe she'll tell me why she keeps having nightmares. Every night, I hear her scream. It sounds as if someone is trying to kill her, the first night I ran in there. She looked at me and it tore at something in my chest, the look of her eyes. So tired, so sad, so dead.' He thought about how she looked that first night. I could understand when Charlie said something tore at his chest, if I had a beating heart, I know it would be breaking right now. Her eyes were no longer that beautiful warm chocolate that I had fallen so completely for. They looked black, like they really were dead. Her face was a paler shade than it had been before.

I had to get away, away from those eyes, his thoughts. I ran, I ran and I ran, and I ran. I ran far past the Washington border, I ran until rain turned to snow and grass turned to frozen tundra. And when I was far enough away from all thoughts, all scents, everything, I let out a cry that could burst an eardrum. I let out a howl so fierce that the birds in a tree miles away took flight, fearing for their lives. I stayed there for days, crying like only someone like me could. I stayed there waiting for the pain to subside, but all I could see were her dead eyes. While sitting here I was hit with a sudden sense of déjà vu, all I needed now was for Tanya to dive bomb at me and this memory would be complete. Only, last time I was trying to get those eyes off my mind because they were so wholesome and beckoned me to come and dine. Now those eyes haunted me, if I could sleep they would be the things of my nightmares.

I picked myself up then, reminding myself that I could not protect her if I was sitting in a snow drift crying like a child. So then I ran again. This time I veered off course and headed towards the school. That's where she would be at this time of day. I hid in the forest, scanning people's heads to make sure they hadn't seen me. But also looking for her. I had to find where she was right now.

I found her, she was sitting at a lunch table, Angela was looking on her with sadness painted all through her thoughts. I could understand why, Bella sat there staring at her tray. Of course it was empty, but it was as if Bella had failed to notice. Like she forgot what she was supposed to do with it. She never looked up. She never responded to anyone's comments, or jokes. When the bell rang she simply grabbed her tray, put it away, and walked out. I watched, through others, as she walked through the hall. People would see her coming and move out of the way. They all knew what had happened, and no one wanted to touch her, let alone talk to her. No one knew what to say. Not many actually cared. Some just moved out of the way to avoid coming into contact with someone so disheveled. It was as if she was diseased, at least that's how they saw it in their minds.

When school was over I waited at just the edge of the forest nearest her truck. When no one was around I had checked it over to make sure it was okay. Sure I wasn't the best mechanic, but I could tell when a car was okay, and the truck was. I watched her walk across the parking lot. Some kid joked; another threw a football to his buddy. It came so close to hitting her, but she didn't even notice. She just walked on, maybe the doctor was right about the catatonic diagnosis, Bella was clearly living within the confines of her mind.

I was scared beyond belief watching her drive home. She was nearly hit twice, and almost hit a kid on his bike. But for some reason everyone in the city had their radar up, and nothing bad happened. She got home safely and just sat in her truck for a while. She sat their staring at the dashboard, and then without a warning she started screaming and crying and yelling. Her fingers were furiously attacking something on the dash. If I didn't know any better I would have thought a monster was pouring from her vents and preparing to devour her. But there were no heater monsters that devoured teenage girls, just real monsters that got a sick twist out of loving their favorite treat.

After almost a half an hour of hysterics and constant clawing she sat back with an accomplished look. She opened the door and I could smell the most delectable smell ever. If it weren't for my fear of her well being I might have ran to find something to staunch the hunger. But I had to know if she was hurt. I watched and listened as she pulled something box shaped with an assortment of wires, out of her car. I could see the temptation pouring from her finger tips. She had clawed her fingers raw trying to pry the stereo out of her truck. The thought was slightly humorous, and then I mentally flogged myself for finding humor in her pain. Tears were still pouring from her eyes as she carried the huge metal box into the house. Once she was in the house all I could do was listen to her movements and imagine what she was doing.

I heard her walk up the stairs and go into her room. She opened the closet door and then deposited the heavy metal box onto the floor. After that she walked eight steps to her computer. I heard the ancient beast roar to life. She sat there, steadily breathing, as she waited for it to continue its start up process. I heard a few random clicks of the mouse, and tapping as her fingers danced slowly across the keyboard. A few more clicks of the mouse, and then she got up again. She moved slowly, taking deliberate steps and then sat ever so gently onto her bed. I heard her move around a few more times, imagining her moving to the middle of bed. The rustle of her blanket let me know she had curled up in the blankets. Her breathing turned ragged and I could tell she had started crying. I sat there listening to her cry quietly. I sat there until my name rushed past her lips, and then I had to get away. I knew I was strong, but I couldn't stand there, hear her whisper my name through her lips, and do nothing. I ran towards the forest, thinking maybe I should take care of the scorching that had plagued my throat since Bella had torn the stereo from her truck.

After filling myself with the blood of small woodland animals, I made my way back to her house. The cruiser was in front of the house now. At least I could finally look through someone else's eyes and see what she was doing. I probed into space for Charlie's mind, hoping that he would be with her.

Luck was on my side tonight, he was sitting at the dinner table watching Bella pick at her food. "Have a good day at school today?" she just moaned a reply, nothing with words, just a sound. I could tell he wanted more from her, but he wouldn't push her. If he knew anything, he knew that they only way she would make it through this was of her own accord. If he tried to pry her out, she would only retreat further. I mentally thanked him for that. It was true, Bella had to find her own way out. At that point Charlie's thoughts took a turn for the worst. Several things, snippets really, kept flashing through his mind. Renee telling him that she was going to come and take Bella back. Dr. Gerandy telling him that Bella should be placed in a facility. And always my name kept up, he thought of it with the same fervor as a swear word. But I tried to block this out as I stared through his eyes at my Bella. To anyone not paying attention, they would think she was eating. But I could tell she was just pushing her food around in circles. She spoke now, "I think I'm going to go to bed." Now it was Charlie's turn to moan a reply. 'Sleeps so much these days,' he thought. I watched through his eyes as she made her way to the sink, depositing the contents of her plate down the drain and then turning to head upstairs. I could bear to be in Charlie's head anymore. I moved quickly, so as to beat her to her room. I jumped up to her window, pried it open slowly, and then made my way to her closet. I crouched next to the mutilated stereo and waited for Bella to come and sleep.

After a few minutes, human minutes she called them, she entered her room dressed in her pajamas. She turned off the light and climbed into bed. She laid there for minutes before falling asleep. I watched her, watched as her breathing turned smooth. That's when I climbed out of the closet and made my way to her bed. I sat there and hummed her lullaby to her. I sat on just the edge of the mattress and brushed the hair from her face and hummed her sweet melody. I was about to start it the 28th time when her breathing started to pick up and turn ragged. I tried to sooth her; I whispered her name and told her it would be okay. And just as I was about to pull her into my arms and screw the plan, she screamed. The sound pierced the night, and scared the neighbor's cat. I bolted it then, knowing that it would be mere seconds before she would be awoken by her own cry. I could not be there when it happened. I ran, like before, I ran and I ran, and I ran.

A/N: The story has taken me over.

REVIEWS ARE SO DESIRED!!!


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